Morbidity

I am so AWFUL with maintaining this online journal! I am not sure if a 5 month hiatus counts as breaking my resolution to keep a blog. I can't say that the past 5 months were not eventful, because if they weren't then I would be bored and writing on here.

I just read an article on death (no I am not a psycho - Halloween puts me in a morbid mood). When it stated blatantly that one should not fear death since when you are dead you cease to exist and there is no pain, I had a knot in my stomach. It is the pain of dying that is more fearful than actually being dead. I suppose my lack of religious belief really hit me hard or something. I am not afraid of death - just perplexed about something inexplicable.

I would like to know who would come to my funeral. And who would cry out of genuine sadness. I will never know, unless I pull one of those fake death stunts. It is quite discouraging to think how insignificant one person is in the grand scheme of things. Out of the thousands of people I have met, and the few relationships I have forged, I don't think anyone could not live without me. Not to sound like a madly depressed and suicidal person - but just a realist. When I hear that someone has died, I naturally feel like crying or slightly sad even if I don't know them. But what is the point in feeling sad after they are gone? Might as well be there for them when they are around. So maybe a couple of people will shed a tear or two for me at my funeral by the grace of human nature.

I have never been to a funeral. And never experienced a death of someone very close to me. I think the sadness in that is losing a friend or someone you were fond of - someone who was a part of your routine. God forbid that should happen to me anytime soon - I will probably change my outlook.

Death and mortality aside, Halloween is coming up in a few weeks. As long as I can fit into that Nemo costume I will be a happy camper. I wish I could dress in costumes all the time. I am almost considering auditioning for those characters who roam around Disney parks. That would be a pretty sweet job as long as I don't have to hug too many snotty kids.